Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
