I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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