He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
