it was like his penis was on wheels.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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