is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
