whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
