She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
