your parents love me but you hate me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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