it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I AM VODKA MAN
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
