Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
