Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
