i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
