so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
