As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
