its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
