need another drink. this is the easiest way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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