There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
