my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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