pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want nice things and good sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
