apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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