he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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