Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
