I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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