I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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