hotel room ftw
I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
