Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
