Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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