what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
