those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
