if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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