ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
