Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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