watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
