I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
