guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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