i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
