I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
