foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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