i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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