Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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