Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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