Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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