Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
