Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
