Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
