i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
