Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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