That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
