im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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