Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
