i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
