k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
