Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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